When feelings turn to memories; self-help not self harm

There are days, when things like happiness, joy, and even pain seem like distant memories; almost like all you are is a blunted blob floating through the day. A few months ago I felt like that blob. Days would go by without my feelings coming and going with them. I was in a state of gray, let me tell you it was terrible. I didn’t really know what was going on then as I was very uneducated about the warning signs of depression. As time went on things got worse, until one day I was going to brush my teeth and noticed the pinch of my travel tooth brush plastic; the first feeling I had in a long time. That feeling was pain, my instant reaction was fear, of myself. I had always wondered why someone would ever self-harm, at that moment I understood, but I also understood that’s when I needed help the most. I turned to my friends, psychiatrist and even ended up becoming certified in mental health first aid. Damn it feels good, to feel good. Now I still am on my journey, every day is a new battle, but that doesn’t stop me, just as it shouldn’t stop you, keep fighting!

-Matt Best

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